Negative social ties, like frenemies, could be ageing you

Having someone in your life who hassles you or causes problems could be adding 2.5 months to your biological age

By David Robson

25 July 2025

The company we keep could affect our health

Rob Wilkinson/Alamy

Many of us have people in our lives who bring more angst than joy. But rather than these individuals just dragging us down, they could actually be speeding up the rate at which we age.

Psychologists have long known that strong social ties shape our longevity, with one review suggesting that social isolation may have as strong an influence on mortality as obesity or a lack of exercise.

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It is also apparent that the quality of our relationships can matter as much as the quantity. In 2012, researchers at the University of Utah found that “frenemies” – ambivalent relationships that blow hot and cold – seem to accelerate the shortening of our telomeres, the protective caps at the end of chromosomes. This happens naturally with age and has been linked to conditions like heart disease.

Now, Byungkyu Lee at New York University and his colleagues have turned to a more accurate measure of ageing, analysing the effects that negative social ties have on tiny chemical changes to DNA called methylation marks. This is an example of epigenetics, the way your behaviours and environment can cause changes that affect how your genes work. “As we age, the pattern of these marks shifts in predictable ways,” says Lee.

The team got 2232 people to provide saliva samples for epigenetic testing and to describe their relationships with key members of their social network, answering questions such as: “How often has X hassled you, caused problems or made life difficult?” In response, they answered “never”, “rarely”, “occasionally” or “often”.